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7 Tips for the Best Cougar-Cub Open Relationship

There's a myth that mature women looking for sex are just running around all over town, waiting to get it on.

sensual cougar getting what she wants from her cub
Cougars commit themselves to sexual empowerment, do you mind joining them?

In truth, cougars are women who have deliberately chosen to commit themselves to sexual empowerment. While it is true that the libido of older women looking for sex has reached a peak high, it's not a given that they can't or won't settle down with just one cub.

But does being in a long-term relationship mean you can't have some fun on the side? Not if your partner is open to being open and open-minded enough.

So here are 7 tips to help you get clear on a conversation about open relationships.

1. Know What You Want & Why You're In It

The only way to even start a conversation between the two of you about the possibility of an open relationship is to get clear on why you're in it in the first place.

is it just sex? Is it because you want to engage another kind of sexual behavior that you're not comfortable doing with your cougar (or, if you're a cougar, with your favorite cub)? Get clear on the reasons "why" for yourself. And then take the time to discuss what your partner's motivations and "why"s might be.

2. Maintain Sexual Privacy

a sexy playful cougar on the seight
Desire is fueled by the unknown... and secret!

Couples in an open relationship -- whether between a cougar and her cub or not -- know the importance of sexual privacy. This means they keep some of their more personal details -- both of their escapades and dalliances outside of the relationship as well as what they do to pleasure themselves -- under wraps.

Does this seem counter-intuitive to every other article you've ever read? Stay with us here, for a second.

Leading sex therapist Esther Perel says that the most successful couples -- in open relationships or monogamous, "closed" relationships - know that the secret to their longevity as a couple is sexual privacy. Desire is fueled by the unknown. Mainstream pop culture, that is so wary of "cheating", has instead prescribed "talking about everything" as an antidote.

But, in reality, all "talking about everything" does, is kill desire and bring on tedium. It is healthy, normal and, in the case of open relationships, even the fuel of desire to keep sexual privacy -- both between yourselves as well as your relationship from the rest of the world -- under wraps.


3. Talk It Out

That being said, every open relationship starts with a conversation. And it is only through an ongoing conversation that the mutually-agreed upon decision of being in an open relationship can be kept alive, can remain fun for both partners, equally.

This doesn't mean you share the details of your "conquests". But that doesn't mean you keep it's ongoing development completely quiet either. Confused? Okay, let's get graphic.

If you're with another partner, there's no need to spell out every single thing you did with them that night. But, if you get to try something and realize you really like it, feel free to discuss trying this with your cougar.

4. Don't Let the Sex Flag

When you're in an open relationship, the thrill of being able to venture out is half the fun. The other half is in knowing that your cougar partner will still be into you when you "return". In other words, regardless of age difference or sexual appetite, both partners in an open relationship have the luxury of maintaining a balance between "roaming" and still keeping what they've got secure.

Of course, this means that your relationship needs even more attention and care than it normally would, when you're in an open relationship. You don't want to let the sex and intimacy between the two of you flag.

Pro-Tip: Some of it will be automatic

After all, absences makes the heart grow fonder and we tend to relish our partners even more when we have the flexibility to experience another. But some of it- taking the initiative to keep things interesting varied and to stimulate sex between the two of you at all - will have to be a conscious action you both take.

Luckily, both cougars and cubs are incredibly well-matched in their mutual attraction and lust for one another. Even though older women looking for sex benefit from this "open" dynamic, they still love being able to depend on emotional intimacy with their cub.

5. Define the Boundaries

What kind of acts are you allowed to perform with another person? How "far" are you allowed to take it? Weekend getaways? Just flirting? Cam shows?

]Here's a pro-tip for you that many couples in an open relationship don't consider: What constitutes "cheating"? Define these boundaries before you dive in and you'll be golden.

6. Unless You're Into Swinging, Don't Kiss'n'Tell

Some cougar-cub relationships progress from being individually open to being open together. A cougar may express a wish to her cub to be a part of a threesome with an older man or a younger woman. As a one-off, one-time exploration, this is all good and can even be incredibly sexy and gratifying for the two of you. If you want to make it a regular thing, you both have to agree to considering being swingers.

If neither of these two scenarios applies to you and your "open" relationship, do yourself (and your cougar) a favor: don't kiss and tell. Revealing and/or sharing the gory details of your multiple sexual partners may feel like a turn-on at first...but there's no telling when she (or you!) could cross over into possessive territory.

cougar in her open relationship date
Cougars still love being able to depend on emotional intimacy with their cub!

Suddenly, she's reconsidering. Or you are. Either way, it ain't going to be pretty.

7. Know When It's Reached It's Expiration Date

At the end of the day, a cougar relationship between her and her cub may or may not be for a long haul. Even if you've both decided to make a go of it and these tips help you maintain an open relationship longer than you thought it would have otherwise lasted, you need to be able to test the barometer of the relationship.

Serial monogamy is our new reality so don't beat yourself up too hard or waste time trying to figure out why things ended, if you both know it's time to end it. Ending an open relationship may happen for a variety of reasons. But no one likes a martyr and no one wants to be one, either.

Pro-Tip: Don't Forget

If you find yourself asking more questions than you normally would or having to respond to more "nagging" than you might expect, know that things have crossed over into the territory of "jealousy". To avoid further mess, cut your losses early.

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Image sources: (1) Photographee.eu | (2) Freddy Smeets | (3) Martinan | Fotolia.com