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Common Mistakes Younger Men make when Dating Older Women

Try to avoid these as much as possible if you're thinking of venturing into cougar territory.

inter-generational couple watching a movie in the cinema
Don’t pretend to be a someone you are not!

#1 Fake Personalities

One of the main things older women do not have time for in a relationship are phony guys. Trying to be someone that you’re not is the fastest way to get her heading for the door.

Just think about it: She has years more experience figuring out who she is as a person. The last thing an older woman needs is someone else’s insecurities forcing her to take a step back and pretend to be someone new.

What you should do is be honest from the start about who you are. Be you. Be confident. Be candid. You don’t need to pretend to be a man her age because she’s not expecting you to. If she wanted someone with a stable job, kids, and a matching 401k—believe us, she’d go and get it.

Cougars aren’t looking for conventions, they’re looking for someone as confident in their own skin as they are. Instead, try to work on the strengths you do have that attract her as a younger lover.

Use that age differential to your advantage and bring a new spark to her romantic life. Chances are your cocky confidence, modern egalitarian views, and go-getter enthusiasm for life are going to be a huge turn on for a woman with a few years under her belt.

PRO TIP: Remember not to take this young personal to the other end of the spectrum and pretend to be someone more wild and crazy than you really are.

#2 Focusing on differences

The fact of the matter is, you and your older woman are going to have vastly different life experiences. She may even come with extra baggage in the form of children or annoying ex-husbands, but you shouldn’t let that fact go too far and consume your mental map of the relationship.

Sure, she may have grown up in an age before the internet. Or she may still be overwhelmed with jokes, songs, or movies from her childhood in a different time. But that doesn’t mean that you necessarily differ in every aspect.

Acknowledge what are age-related differences and what are personality related differences in your relationship. The last thing you want to do is assume that all of your relationship problems are because of something as silly as a number.

Better yet, focus on the things that you and your older woman do have in common to try and bridge this experience gap. Do you both share a love for deep dish pizza? Did you both want to try roller derby? Have you both been pining for a trip to the Bahamas? Whatever common traits you both share, emphasize those as much as possible.

PRO TIP: The more things you share together, the less any age difference will feel like a big deal in your relationship.

#3 Equating Lover with Mother

The absolute worst mistake you can make when dating an older woman is to equate her with your mother. While she may be willing to cook you a romantic meal, she’s not going to be too psyched about you assuming she’ll do your laundry as well.

It may seem like a harmless mental comparison that you can hide, but to her it’s going to be a relationship deal breaker. We all know when we’re being taken advantage of and transformed into a projection of what our lover expects us to be.

MILF changing the T.V. channel
Don't treat her like a mother!

Not only do these motherly associations bring up a lot of uncomfortable gender-role care-giving expectations, it also shows your inability to be a self-sufficient adult. That in itself is a huge turn off for older women because she has worked for everything in her life to be at the stage that she is.

Plus, if you start treating her like a mother, I can promise you won’t like it when she starts equating you with her lazy teenage son. Grow up, grow some, and respect her as a human being and a lover.

#4 Fetishizing

The quickest way to kill a sexy mood is to start letting fantasy take the main reigns. We like to date people because we believe they like us for who we are as a person, not the symbol they are to us on our road to sexual conquests.

You should absolutely be honest about your sexual desires in the bedroom, but have some sense of judgement when it comes to putting labels on your older lover.

Never, under any circumstances, mention that you are attracted to her because of her age. Or that she is your oldest lover. Or that, god forbid, she reminds you of any older aunt/teacher/politician. Even if it’s meant as a compliment, talking about age can be a very touchy subject with some older women and being reminded of this can difficult to maneuver around romantically.

We also like to think that while her cougar status may have contributed to the initial attraction, chances are you’ve found more things that have kept you together. Constantly obsessing about such an uncontrollable trait as her age difference will make it seem like you’re only staying with her because of this gap.

Focus more on the traits that she does have control over--like her generosity, kindness, or humility, and she’ll know that her age is just one of the many reasons why you’re dating an older woman. Not THE reason.

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Image source: (1) Scott Griessel | (2) petert2 | Fotolia.com