Join now for free!

I am a:
next »

Cougars Don't Compete: How to Beat Back Those 20-Somethings

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. And, no, we're not talking about "that" time (or perhaps even the passing of that time).

Cougar vs younger woman
You don't need to compete, it's all about one's own power!

We're talking about what it may feel like if you're a woman in her late 30s, 40s, 50s and even 60s who are starting to date again.

See, on the one hand, this is her time. Many so-called "cougars" turn to OurTime Dating or choose to have some fun with sugar dating. After all, these women have grown into themselves. They're financially independent and, perhaps, for the first time in their lives, have the power to explore their sexual desires.

Some have been "single" for a long time while others are leaving behind marriages and grown children to reclaim their sexuality.

And yet...when these otherwise affluent and confident women step into the arena of dating, they often find a curious situation: while younger men are just lapping at their doorstep - but, suddenly, they've got to contend with the "other" players on the field: younger women.

It's No Secret:

Younger women, 20-somethings, millennials -- whatever you want to call them -- feel distinctly threatened when it comes to the idea of the natural attraction between older women and younger men.

While some younger women look on in awe, others in envy, many 20-something women feel very insecure when it comes to older women. Mostly, this is because of a stark realization of two very curious things:

  • Someday, these 20-something will become 40-somethings - So these cougars are versions of themselves in the future -- well, better dressed, more confident versions, that is.
  • Secondly - They have to acknowledge that viewing sugar mummy dating makes them question their own sexuality and power.

But here's what they haven't realized yet and many women who engage in cougar dating have: a woman's sexuality is not defined by a man. It exists independent of his desire for her.

So, take heart cougars: You don't need to compete.

Have in mind that, 20-somethings will pander to men their age. You simply have to demonstrate your own power.

You'Ve Got the Goods

sexy older woman in a tiny orange bikini
Cougars have more than their physical assets!

Okay, we're pretty sure the song, "Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend" was invented for the wild and wanton 40-something woman.

One of the cougar's greatest assets are her...well, assets. And we don't mean her physical aspects (though those are pretty damn fine too, mmm-mmm-mm!

Because they've had more time to establish their careers, educate themselves, and build wealth, cougars just have way more to their name. They're financially savvy and independent because they've been working smarter, a lot longer.

Cougars should always remember this fact - they've got the upper-hand in almost all situations in comparison to younger women. But especially in this one regard, the confidence that comes from being fiscally abundant can give a woman a kind of glow and power that lights her up from the inside.

Whereas younger women are still scrambling as baristas to make rent and pay off loans, cougars are contemplating where to travel for the holidays with their girlfriends, business-class. And that fact is something you can't put a price on.

Make Him Feel All the "Feels"

Younger men are, let's face it, simply not as jaded as their older counterparts. Younger women don't know this (unless they're into sugar dating themselves) - but cougars do.

There is a natural affinity between younger men and older women and it's not simply because cougars - or, rather, older women are still reaching their sexual prime and their libidos are at an all time high.

It's also because older women know how to make younger men feel the "feels". They value that their younger male counterparts are so eager and earnest. Unlike younger women who are prone to play games and simply express a cool, aloof disinterest, taking their younger counterparts for granted, older women know that being expressive and romantic is something even men crave.

Often, younger men say they feel "like a God" or "so sexy" with their cougars. It's just one reason why so many hook-ups between cougars and cubs end up turning into meaningful, long-term relationships.

Dress to Kill, Not to Impress

Cougars, slay!

After almost 4 decades in her own skin, exposing it to dozens of sun-kissed days on beaches, childbirth (hey, it's totally natural!), work stress and yo-yo fad diets, a cougar will have learned to love the skin she's in.

These days, it's not rare to see a cougar working up in the gym with a focus and determination that younger, self-taking 20-somethings could only dream of.

First off, cougars are usually in a stable career -- either they're self-employed or high up the food chain -- so they can afford to spend the time to get in shape and adorn themselves with the best.

But they've also been down in the dumps and can probably remember a time when they let themselves go to couch-potato mode. Well, no more. Cougars are usually banging-hot because they've worked steadily to earn their bodies.

And the best way to simply refuse to compete with younger women is to own that self- and body-love. Cougars should pick clothing that accentuates their best assets. They can be daring but there's no need to be putting it all on display.

Cougars have learned class, after all.

Wham, Bam, Thank Ya Ma'am!

Younger women these days aren't old enough to remember Bowie but he said it best. And Bowie logic is something no woman should ever be without.

confident Cougar with an attractive younger man
Cougars take care of their young cubs and cubs pleasure them.

When it comes to cougar dating and sex, specificially, there's no reason you can't have NSA fun without courtesy. Many advice columns will cast women in the position of the more "sexually-needy" partner. The lover who's prone to "get hurt".

But the truth is that younger men, in all their earnestness and sincerity, are just as likely to "get hurt" and not all younger men simply want a hook-up or casual sex situation.

When it comes to the rules of engagement, be fully present. Cougars should take care of their young cubs and nurture them (even while he's pleasuring her). Even if it's a short-term fling, there's no reason to get up and leave when the act is done.

Remember:

When you were younger? That might have broken your heart. So stay cognizant of that and exercise some empathy. A young cub is much more likely to respond, emotional and romantically, to a woman he knows cares, even if she's only staying the night.

Whereas younger women will dine and dash, cougars know how to make it last - right?

Related reads:

Image sources: (1) Mangostar | (2) Harris Shiffman | (3) Boggy | Fotolia.com